America’s Got Talent 6-28 Recap:
Bianca Ryan Saves America’s Got Talent
By Eric G.

I tuned in at 9 pm EST for America’s Got Talent. I totally skipped the recap of the first episode because that was painful the first time.  NBC even re-broadcast that first episode on Friday night.   I guess 3 showings of episode one will get the audience hooked.  My enthusiasm for the show had wavered due to the Gong Show style and disorganization of the judges, but I always give a show a 2nd or 3rd chance. Thankfully I did.

America’s Got Talent opened the show with the usual banter of Regis Philbon proclaiming the judges don’t know what acts they will see, and this is a talent search to find out  if American Has Talent.

First to perform was a 5 boy tap dancing River Dance  style group called “All That” they did have talent in the dancing department.  However dancing is more of a variety act then the meat and potatoes of a full blow entertaining evening.  I can tell you one thing at prices these days, I am not packing up wife and kids in the mini-van to head to a show that is only about dancing as my entertainment choice. But I digress.  ALL THAT was voted on to the next round and we will see this Boy Band – Opps Boy Dancing Group again.  Hasseloser proclaimed that this group has a shot to go all the way.  Dude, you thought Baywatch was entertainment. Like Chandler and Joey from Friends we watched Baywatch with the sound Off.  We just liked the chicks bouncing in slow motion. I digress again.  Must be angst.

The 2nd group to perform was an overweight man named William J McCowen who though he could sing.  He performed an opera style song and did have a full range of Off Notes.  Mosesha ( Brandy) even gave him the OH HELL NO vote as we will not be graced by the Lovely renderings of one said William J McCowen.  3 strikes and a Hell No, and you are banded from the America’s Got Talent Island. The tribe has spoken.

Our third act and probably the 2nd  water cooler topic of the day was “Leonid the Magnificent”.  To properly describe this thing in words will take a bit but here goes.  Leonid is Russian, He is  probably 6-9. He is definitely Gay ( not that there is anything wrong with that – seinfeld).  Leonid the six foot Gay Russian was decked out in silver glitter, large angel wings attached to his back, high heel disco boots, garish red lipstick, blue eye shadow and hot pants.  Leonid did have a chiseled physique with 6 pack abs which as we all know takes work. So props to Gay Russian Leonid for his workout effort.  Now as to this Things talent.   The 6 foot high heeled Russian with angle wings and sliver glitter, held a dagger in his mouth and balanced a sword on the tip of the dagger.  Kids don’t tempt this at home. I mean the High Heel boots, silver glitter and angel wings.  The Thing them did the slits which is impressive while still balancing the sword on the dagger.  Yippy.  Is this Talent?  Hassleoser  who was all about the Senior Citizen Stripper last week apparently saw the Russian as a potential threat to his future comeback.  Since Hasseloser talent is subject to many opinions in the first place.  Pier Morgan had a perfect line, “You look like something that would be placed on the top of my Christmas tree”. Brandy Off course loved him, but the vote was Bye Bye.  However this is America’s Got talent and there are no rules. Foreshadowing….the Russian will be back.

Our 4th act of the evening was Elliot Zimer a magic act with doves and parrots.  Elliot had talent and a good act. We will see old Elliot again. The 5th act was Corina Brouder a singing Harpist.  She was attractive and had a beautiful voice. The three judges voted her back for another appearance.

Our next Talent was Dave Smith.  Dave Smith is a Human pretzel. He placed both feet behind his head and played the acoustic guitar. Not sure what his song was, because this contortionist made me want to go to the chiropractor. He was voted through on sheer awe factor.

At this Juncture, apparently the producers said something into Brandy’s ear piece and told her to Request a 2nd review of The Gay Russian Leonid. Or Aliens or Ghosts or something took over Mosesha’s brain.  Or better yet, one of producer found love back stage. Regardless of the circumstances that initiated this horrendous 2nd chance. Brandy asked to see Leonid the Magnificent once again. The Gay Russian Fluttered back onto the center stage. Brandy Made a Plea. Tinklerbell-ski made a subtitled tearful plea. The audience cheered as the tears fell from Tinkerbell-ski and Piers Morgan and David Hasseloff ( opps Hasseloser) let him back in the competition. This was water cooler topic 2 and I am sure the producers manufactured this for the buzz factor.

After the Crying Game left the stage we were introduced to a boy band from Detroit “rock city” called PBM.  Their band consisted of good musician with horns and everything but a lead vocalist that just sucked.  PB&J I mean PBM needs to replace the Jelly like Piers Morgan stated, “You have a great band, but you need a better Lead Singer”. We will see the Peanut Butter Band again.

The 8th act televised was back to the variety hour. A Hungarian named Frank Simon had the talent of balancing large objects on his face.  He picked up and balanced a Moped and then a washing machine on his head.  Amazing Yes, Talent NO.   3 X’s and Frank balances his way home.  He did get audience cheers and I think that is all that he wanted.

Fuhrman Mathew an ex military vet was the Human Beat box.  After taking off his shirt to reveal his physique he started making a ton of weird sounds.  3 x’s.  Bye Bye Furhman, but thank you for serving our county!!

Next up was the Snow White Stripper Michelle L’amour.  Why do the Producers of this Show accept Strippers? She was a tad overweight to be a stripper, she had a nice face, but the expression of the evening was on Brandy’s face.  It was a WFT look.  She had an actual physical struggle with both Piers and Hasseloser in attempt to hit their X buttons.  Piers and Hasslehoff looked like they were drooling.  She wasn’t that good, nor that attractive, but the two boy judges were reduced to puberty levels ogling Snow White.
We get to see the stripper again as the two boys voted her through.

11th act was “Side Swipe” 3 black belt martial artist that performed a aerial kata with perfect martial arts moves.  Hasselosser proclaimed, “ You can Kick Ass with Class”. We will see Side swipe again.  We won’t see the 12th act of Marlon Reynolds who for about 5 seconds attempted to sing “I left my Heart in San Francisco” The judges could hit their X Buttons fast enough.

The Show ended in Style with the most amazing singing act, an 11 year old Girl named Bianca Ryan. Bianca, from Philadelphia, PA sang “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” by Jennifer Holliday. This 11 year old child had the most amazing voice. She was truly talented.  The judges, the audience gave her a standing ovation and declared she was the contestant to beat in this competition.  It will be hard pressed to see someone with more talent.  Bianca Ryan Saved America’s Got Talent from a Gong Show variety crap hour to an actual competition.

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